


Not Filled Right

by roswyrm



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Awkward Tension, Loss of Trust, M/M, Post-Break Up, azu's here but like not a focus so id feel bad tagging her, general 'ow what the fuck', it's not on zoe this time tho, not really but yk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 02:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19898743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roswyrm/pseuds/roswyrm
Summary: A year and a half is a long time, so it only stands to reasonZolf doesn't know what to do with himself, where to put his hands, how to explain that gods, he's missed Hamid so much—Hamid is furious, and Zolf is safe and here and there's still the book for him in Hamid's pack but he's too angry to even think about that—there's a bit of disconnect, now.





	1. shattered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blacksatinpointeshoes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacksatinpointeshoes/gifts).



> THIS IS A SEQUEL TO EMPTY SPACES IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPIER _AND THEN IT WAS NOT_ AND IM SORRY. anyway. this is on me. Working Title: _THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN, ONE BOY IN PARTICULAR IS BACK IN TOWN, TH_

Hamid isn’t there. It’s a stupid thing to think, shaking hands with Oscar Wilde and pretending he’s not flushed out to his ears with anger, (embarrassment) but. Hamid isn’t there. Bertie isn’t there, Sasha isn’t there, none of the new party members (they must have replaced him) are there. It’s just them. Only them left.

* * *

Zolf walks a bit quicker so he can get to the contact Wilde told them to meet with faster and hopefully somewhat less _soaked._ “Well,” Hamid says suddenly, and Zolf doesn’t jump because he’s gotten used to people abruptly appearing from nowhere. “I can Comprehend Languages for a bit, but I– w-well, I can only understand, I can’t actually speak it. Or cast it on anyone else. But, I can translate for us?”

Zolf looks over his shoulder at him. “Hamid, I

_wish I spoke French,” Zolf grumbles to himself. Hamid blinks up at him, wide-eyed and apologetic. He stands up on his tiptoes to mumble a running translation to him, and Zolf thinks that maybe, if it leads to a warm hand on his shoulder and warmer words in his ear, it’s a good thing he_

can speak Japanese.” Obviously, he speaks Japanese, why would Wilde send them to meet someone if none of them shared a language?

Hamid blinks. “Oh.” He sounds… odd. Disjointed, almost, like this has taken a sudden sharp turn from where he was expecting it to go. “I– see.” He’s quiet for the rest of the trek.

* * *

Zolf’s a light sleeper, now, lighter than he ever was, and he wakes up when he hears a sudden gasp. He jolts up, hand reaching for the glaive he can’t sleep without, and it takes a second before he recognises the sound of Hamid’s sobs. Zolf drops

_his chin to his chest as he curls up as small as he can get, and Hamid puts an arm around him. “We’ll figure it out,” he assures Zolf gently, “you’re going to be alright, I promise. I’m here for you.” And Zolf doesn’t know what else is there for him, needs an anchor to the broken thing he’s pretty sure is reality so he reaches for_

his glaive with a sigh, and Hamid puts a hand over his mouth to muffle himself. “Sorry,” he chokes out, and Zolf can hear the raw-and-burning grief at the back of the halfling’s throat, “sorry, I– sorry.”

Zolf rolls over and ignores it. “S’alright,” he grunts vaguely, “try to get some rest before morning.” Hamid does a much better job of stifling his tears for the rest of the night.

* * *

Zolf makes sure the food isn’t poisoned before letting anyone eat it. Azu gives him a glare like she’s still mad about the imbibe poison he and Wilde put in her sake, which is fair. It was quite a strong one, and paladins tend to be pretty unforgiving. Zolf orders a bit too much food (he always does; one of those habits he never did manage to break) and pushes it to 

_the middle of the table. Wilde raises an eyebrow at him, points a chopstick at the remaining dumplings and Zolf hesitates. It feels wrong, having someone there again, even if it’s just Wilde. But no matter how much the man’s calmed down, Zolf doesn’t want to deal with taunting over how much he misses_

Hamid, sitting across from him, still awkwardly trying to twirl his udon. Hamid blinks at him. “Do you want it or not?” Zolf asks, (Zolf offers, but he’s never been good at that) and Hamid’s jaw sets. 

He pushes the tray back to Zolf with a forced smile and answers, “Finish your food, Zolf. I’m not that hungry.”

* * *

They stay in a cheap inn, and Hamid’s eyes go wide as he takes it all in. Bit of a culture shock, Zolf figures; they’ve mostly been staying in western-style hotels because Zolf’s still trying to get Azu to trust him and those are the ones she keeps pointing out. He grabs the bag slung over Hamid’s shoulder while the halfling is still staring, and starts figuring out which bed is most comfortable so he won’t have to

_apologise, he knows he should apologise, but Hamid is still there, still resting his head against Zolf’s, still holding tight to his hand. And there’s too much, everything is too bitingly bright, but Hamid’s something like an anchor. “You’re going to be okay, Zolf. I’ll be here for as long as you need me to.” And it’s not okay, and he should apologise, he knows he should_

deal with Hamid complaining the whole night through.


	2. kintsugi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for reference, ~~allison _O'DELL_~~ "miluji tě" means "i love you" in czech. or, yk, it does if you listen to google translate.

Azu’s the only one he hasn’t lost. It’s a jarring thought, holding tight to one another in the space that used to be his father’s office, but it’s true. Grizzop and Sasha and Bertie and Zolf are all gone. Azu’s the only person on the team that he hasn’t lost.

* * *

The attack was sudden, and suddenly over, and now Hamid coughs blood into his hands. “Over here!” he calls with a scratched throat, and he can hear heavy boots and heavier armour rushing towards him. He reaches up for

_Zolf is kneeling over him, hands warm where they grip the back of his head, and Hamid shudders at the sudden temperature change. “Come on,” Zolf murmurs, “I’ll find someone worthy for you, just– please, a little bit more.” And the warmth that floods through Hamid’s skin feels like_

Azu, and she pulls him from the ground with a Lay On Hands that reminds Hamid of a tight hug. “Thank you,” Hamid says softly, and she nods. Zolf takes an awkward step back, and Hamid must be mistaken about the look that flashes across his face. Zolf has made it perfectly clear what he thinks about Hamid, and it’s not the sort of thinking that would make him feel _hurt_ by this.

* * *

The contact they’re meeting with (in a houseboat that only barely survived the first tsunamis, and that Hamid wishes would stop _swaying_ so damn much) speaks in rapid Japanese and seems to distrust Hamid and Azu immensely. Hamid’s picked up a bit of the language just from so much exposure to it, but he still needs Comprehend Languages to catch the rest of it. He catches the glint of an anklet on the contact, silvered and insignia-ed, so he reaches out just a bit and

_Zolf’s hand isn’t there when he reaches for it. Hamid flexes his fingers a few more times like he meant to close his fist around the negative space where his friend should be. Curie must notice, but she only cocks an eyebrow at him silently, and Hamid doesn’t know how to explain to her that he’s just realised how achingly whole the emptiness next to him feels, that he was expecting to_

settles his hand over Zolf’s. Zolf stammers in the midst of his reassurances, but he covers it well with a cough and an apology (Hamid is amazed how polite Zolf is, though he thinks it’s something about the language and not the year they’ve spent apart) and Hamid rubs his finger over the almost-matching insignia on Zolf’s ring for the rest of the meeting.

* * *

It’s late, and Hamid can barely keep his eyes open, but they have to keep walking. “How much longer will this take?” Azu asks, and Hamid can hear the exhaustion in her voice.

Zolf doesn’t

_care that Hamid’s tired, no one does, but Hamid can feel his legs giving out beneath him. Paris is so big, and there must be someplace nearby that they can rest in. But they just keep walking, and Hamid ends up walking beside Zolf if only so that he has someone to_

turn around. “Thirty more minutes, at the least.” Hamid bites back a whine and keeps trudging forward. It won’t do him any good to complain.

* * *

_Umučení Hvězd_ reads the book’s cover when Hamid finds it at the bottom of his pack. “Oh,” he says softly.

Without looking up from cleaning his armour, “What are you ‘oh’-ing about?” Hamid is silent for a moment, and he can feel the moment when Zolf turns to look at him, and he can feel the moment when Zolf’s gaze shifts to the paperback in his hands. “Oh. I– thought you didn’t read things like that.”

Hamid swallows. “I– I don’t. Actually, it’s

_something like a talisman. If Zolf comes back, Hamid will have something to give him. Something that proves ‘I missed you’ in a way that words just can’t, and if Zolf comes back – Hamid knows that’s a very big ‘if’ — maybe he’d like to learn some Czech. Maybe Hamid could teach him, and he wouldn’t even complain about the book’s contents because it’s a peace offering, it’s a promise, and it’s an excuse for Hamid to read the words ‘miluji tě’ and pretend he’s not_

yours?” Zolf blinks. “O-or, for you, that is! I just– I mean, I saw it in Prague, and I thought of you, and it’s only been a few weeks for me, so it’s still in my pack– you’ve probably read it already, what with the—” he gestures broadly and nearly flings the book directly into Azu’s sleeping form— “time skip, and– sorry, this was probably very stupid of me, I—” Zolf reaches out and snags the book from Hamid’s grasp. Hamid rather wishes he could sink into the floorboards.

“Is this… you bought me a Cambell?” Zolf is staring at him as though he’s grown a second head. Hamid gives a tiny, embarrassed shrug. There’s something like wonder etched across Zolf’s face when he says, “I… I’ll have to cast Comprehend Languages to read this, but– I– thank you. Really.” Hamid mumbles a half-formed solution under his breath, and Zolf cocks his head. “Sorry?”

Hamid clears his throat and repeats, “I said I could read some of it to you? If you wanted?” Zolf opens his mouth to say something, and Hamid is ready for rejection, but then Zolf just sits down on the bed next to him and hands him the book. “Okay, um, right, let me–” Zolf holds one cover, and Hamid takes the other so that he can turn the pages. “‘Chapter One: Soul of Stardust.’”

 _Zolf is back, and he’s solid against Hamid’s side, their hands almost brushing between them._  
_Zolf is_ back.

**Author's Note:**

> HHHHHHHHHHHHH 
> 
> come find me on tumblr @roswyrm ily


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